Mr. Deputy's World

Cops and High Divorce Ratings

2010-06-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

How come Police officers have a high suicidal and divorce rate?

First we need to look at what kinds of cops exist. I have come up with a listing of the types of cops that exist in a police department. Now this listing is of my opinion and does not reflect the opinions of anyone else.

Types of Cops:

1. The Career Cop - Always wanted to be a police officer since childhood, wants to make a difference in society, the investigator, likes the challenge to succeed, very proactive, complains very little.

2. The Cool Cop – Immature, Never will grown up, childlike, laid back, only serious when needs be, complains often, the comedian, the joker, needs attention often, the ladies man, the typical patrol officer

3. The Super Cop - Works out, hates calories, loves looking good, the fighter, looks for the next challenge, takes his job seriously, extremely officer safety orientated, the instructor, the field training officer, the mentor

4. The Invisible Cop – Extremely Laid back, Lazy, does not initiate contact with the public, does enough work to get by, non proactive, hates working, complains often to coworkers and never to admin, has no ambition, and quiet.

5. The Fighter Pilot Cop – This is usually your typical rookie/new cop, or your extremely aggressive type veteran cop. They are your cops that make high traffic stops, issues high volumes of citations, does not use officer discretion, mostly letter of the law type cop, hardly uses spirit of the law concept, always looking for that felony arrest, non community orientated.

6. The Bomber Cop – This is your typical veteran cop with mixed qualities listed above. The Bomber cop knows his job and is reserved. This cop waits for the action to come to him/her, and doesn’t go hunting for criminals proactively. The bomber cop is your cougar, lying in wait, ready to pounce when needed.

7. The Hunter Cop – A combination of a fighter pilot and bomber, more stealthy than anything, very cautious, extremely knowledgeable, has high officer safety, loves to train constantly, loves to conduct investigations, a good detective, gathers intelligence on all he investigates, always prepared.

Now here is an article taken from a website that talks about the stress effects of law enforcement:

THE EFFECTS OF STRESS ON POLICE OFFICERS

Not much good news here.

The following is the text of a speech give by Dan Goldfarb to a group of union delegates on the impact stress can have on their men.

There has been a lot of research on the negative effects of stress on people in general. I am sure you know that police work is one of the top rated professions for job stress next to air traffic controllers and dentists. A good way to start this presentation, I think, is to give a good working definition of police stress I have seen the following definition around enough to realize that many who are reading this are already familiar with this excellent definition. What I like about the following definition is that it is not just scientific, but gives an idea of what stress is, relates very well to the police job, and can even give us an idea of what cops may need to do to help them with stress. Okay, here it is:

That feeling and desire along with the ensuing bodily effects, experienced by a person who has a strong and true longing to choke the living shit out of someone who desperately deserves it, but you can't.

Now, while this may sound funny there is a real element of truth to it. An element of truth that says an awful lot about police work. And that is the part of the definition "......BUT YOU CAN'T". Police work, by its very nature, calls for an incredible amount of restraint. Continual restraint. Draining restraint. It is stressful. The demands on police officers to show ever greater restraint have been increasing over the years, and not so coincidentally has the effects of stress on police work. With the recent attention that police suicide has received in the media there have been a number of reviews on police suicide. I came across an interesting statistic. Between 1934 and 1960 police suicide rates were half that of the general population. Between 1980 to the present, suicide rates in some departments almost approach double! What is the difference? YOU CAN'T CHOKE EM ANYMORE! Street justice is all but gone. Everyone has video cameras. The media gets off on putting down cops. Politicians continue to pander to the public with new laws and restrictions for police officers that further tie their hands, and YOU CAN'T CHOKE ANYONE WITH YOUR HANDS TIED! So you start to feel that you're choking yourself.

If we take a quick overview of police work and look at the research of what the biggest stressors are, we find:

• Killing someone in the line of duty.

• Having you partner killed in the line of duty.

• Lack of support by the department/bosses.

• Shift work and disruption of family time/family rituals.

• The daily grind of dealing with the stupidity of the public, or the "asshole factor".

Interestingly, physical danger is ranked low on the list of stressors by police officers!

One of the worst effects of stress on police officers is of course suicide. We are becoming all too familiar with police suicide especially with the attention the media has given New York City. Twice as many police officers die by their own hand as do in the line of duty!

A study of 2376 Buffalo NY police officers found that compared to the white male population police officers had higher mortality rates for cancer, suicide, and heart disease. The suggested reason: Higher stress levels.

What is going on? Every study done points to the higher levels of stress police officers face, but what form does that stress take? With suicide there seem to be four factors:

1. Divorce.

2. Alcohol - not alcoholism. That was one of the early theories. But in actuality it was the use of alcohol right before the act to "get up the nerve".

3. Depression.

4. A failure to get help. (Most officers who commit suicide have no history of having sought counseling).

All four factors are symptoms that can stem from an officer's stress levels. Police suicide is more directly related to relationship problems than to job stress! Of the last 14 suicides among the police officers in New York City, 12, or 86%, had to due with divorce or relationship breakup.

Police officers going through a divorce are 5 times more likely to commit suicide that and officer in a stable marriage! Relationship problems, however, are highly related to job stress. The circle is complete!

If we consider that officers have an important relationship with their department, we can examine the effect of that relationship gone badly. Officers who get in serious trouble on the job, suspended or facing termination, are 7 times more likely to commit suicide. (Apparently cops like their jobs better than their wives).

So we see that stress has a profound effect on police officers lives, especially their home lives. Studies have called police work a "high risk lifestyle". Not high risk in terms of the physical dangers of the job, but a high risk in terms of developing attitudinal problems, behavioral problems, and intimacy and relationship problems. So you learn something about the effects of police work. You learn if you ask the average cop "Hey, what's been the scariest experience during your police career?" They will answer "My first marriage!"

The national divorce rate is 50%. All research shows police suffer a substantially higher divorce rate with estimates ranging from 60 to 75%. One of the casualties of police work is often the marriage. A police marriage, after all, is like a hurricane. A lot of sucking and blowing in the begging but in the end you lose your house. One poor (literally) officer I knew who had a few marriages gone badly told me, "If I ever decide to marry again, I'm just gonna find a woman I don't like very much and buy her a house".

As a police officer progresses in his/her career is the eroding of the attitudes. As noted above, police work presents a high risk of developing attitudinal problems. As a police officer's career progresses, they become more cynical. No one questions this anymore. The only questions in the research are how cynical and how soon. Some studies suggest that cynicism can be seen developing in the academy and just gets worse from there.

So, what is the problem with becoming cynical? Life is like an airplane. An airplane has four forces working on it. Gravity pulls it down. But the wings can produce lift, which picks it up. The engines produce thrust. But the air around the plane produces drag or resistance. In order to fly a pilot will take the plane, point it into the greatest amount of resistance (into the wind), and add the maximum amount of thrust. Maximum thrust into maximum resistance produces lift. Once airborne your height or elevation is controlled by attitude. If you pull back on the stick the nose of the plane points up. You have a positive attitude and will climb. If you push the stick forward you have a negative attitude and will fall. Fall far enough and you will crash.

The problem with cynicism is that destroys all attitudes. All attitudes become negative and thus the cynic will eventually crash. Cops more than people in any other profession are in continual danger of becoming cynics. In continual danger of crashing!

It is, I think, an officer’s job and duty (especially to his family) not to crash. Too much is at stake. Staying psychologically fit means committing to taking care of you. It takes work. The greater the stress, the greater the need to apply maximum thrust into this resistance! For the average officer possibly the hardest job of staying healthy is to admit that he/she has a problem. The second hardest feat is the willingness to get help. I have often marveled at how police officers, whose careers are centered on helping others, have so much trouble accepting help. On the other hand, I have also marveled at the difficult jobs the officers I have worked with have undertaken and succeeded at both on and off the job.

(This article taken from, http://www.heavybadge.com/efstress.htm)

What is a Badge Bunny?

2010-06-07T01:57:00.000-07:00

For those of you women out there that are married to a cop or firefighter, and are unaware what a badge bunny is, well here you go! These definitions are provided by http://www.urbandictionary.com/

1. Badge Bunny #1:
Proper noun: A female that goes out only with cops and firemen.

2. Badge Bunny #2:
n. a female (presumably) who enjoys boinking and actively pursuing sexual relationships with cops

syn. "chip"

Example #1: "Becky takes alot of cop schlong. She's a real badge bunny."

3. Badge Buddy #3:
1. A female, usually of the barely legal age range, who spends her time chasing police officers and offering them her 'services' in hopes of gaining status amoung her badge bunny friends.

see also holster sniffer, most commonly found at all night resturants and gas stations.

Example #2: Do you know Leslie? Oh, you mean the badge bunny? Yeah, I've heard that she's served more cops than Dunkin' Donuts.

Other names for a Badge Bunny:

1. Chip
2. Badge chaser
3. Holster sniffer
4. Blue light whore
5. Nightstick polisher
6. Badge banger

Why are women Badge Bunnies?

In my opinion, some women out there are attracted to the authority figure, and tend to build up a fantasy in there mind regarding what it would be like to be with a cop. The whole idea of having a man that carries a gun with no blanks, has handcuffs to restrain that bad person, has a baton to use as a means of punishment for resisting (Expandable Baton is much more intimidating!), and is aggressive.

This tends to create a lustful fantasy about a cop taking control of the women in the bedroom, or on a traffic stop, or even out in public, which usually leads to or involves some forms of bondage, S&M, or rough sex. Some women even fantasize about being pulled over by a cop, being asked to step out of their vehicle, bent over the hood of their car, while the cop conducts his slow and thourough pat down search for contraband he knows doesn't exist, and in his search, he reaches under the females clothing searching every nook that he can until at last it leads to ........ Well you get the picture!!! But I am sure there are many more fantasies that women have of cops, not just the one I had mentioned.

I have to be honest with you ladies out there though, there are a lot of cops that really aren't aggressive intimately. Most cops are cautious, very dirty minded individuals, or should I say, "Very Kinky!" I haven't met one yet that wasn't, or at least pretended to be. This is probably why a lot of cops get suckered into the grasps of a BADGE BUNNY! Badge Bunnies like to lure cops into her clutches by talking dirty, promising sexual acts that only he can receive with her, pretending to be really open minded just so he will think that all his fantasies will come true, and then when he gives in, the trap is set. The Badge Bunny now can add another notch to her bed post to show all her bunny friends. Badge Bunnies are predators only after one thing, and that is her trophy cop! Some are out there to trap a cop by getting pregnant, thus receiving money later on. YES! This does happen!! Others are just out there to fulfill there sexual fantasies and nothing more (must be because we're safe!!)

Again these are just my opinions, they are not facts, but I feel they are accurate to a degree. Feel free to comment or share your stories or fantasies if you prefer! I'm sure we will all enjoy them.

Do you need medical assistance?

2010-06-07T01:54:00.000-07:00

Back in April of 2000, I had just completed the Field Training Program, I was on my own for the first time, and other Deputies had pushed me to make my first vehicle stop on my own without having a FTO looking over my shoulders. I was working the graveyard shift, back when it was still 8 hour shifts, and it was probably close to midnight.

So I was driving down this dirt levee road, an area which is frequented with people stopping to use drugs, dump stolen cars, and having sex. The area was clear, no cars around, and then I see the faint glare from some red and yellow reflectors.

I think to myself, "Ah, a car, finally!" I'm a rookie, so all I am thinking about is getting that good felony hook, hoping that it will turn into a drug arrest. As I pull up to the vehicle, I notice that is a small white compact 2 door vehicle, possibly a Volvo. The rear window is fogged up, indicating that someone or some people were inside it. I activate my spotlight and illuminated the vehicle to get a better look, since it was really dark and I couldn't barely see inside the vehicle.

As I walk up to the vehicle, I shined my flashlight into the vehicle's rear passenger window. The window was so fogged up that I still couldn't see anything inside. I didn't see any indication of movement, nor do I see any silhouette of a person. So I take the next step and knock on the window. That started a reaction, almost like a volcanic eruption!!

After knocking on the window, the car starts to rock back and forth, I still can't see anything inside the vehicle. Then all of a sudden I see this huge ass pressed against the back side window. Each ass cheek was about the size of 2 human heads put together. What ever was inside was laying down naked in the back seat and it was big. I can hear the front passenger seat being pushed forword, and then the driver side window rolls down. Its a woman, extremely big, and naked!!

My eyes were big, I was in a state of shock, I had never seen anyone having sex in a vehicle before, and I wasn't sure how to react. I kept to the script and asked the lady to let me see her identification. She steps out of the vehicle to get inside the front seat, still naked mind you! How she squeezed out of the backseat to get up front amazed me to this day, I can only guess that she was prelubricated. I take a glance into the back seat, and I see this tiny tiny short man laying on his back, and he seemed a little pale. I couldn't help but ask him if he was alright and if needed medical attention, with a slight chuckle added. The man responded in a moanful manner, that he was alright, just a little out of breath from all the workout he was having.

I held my laughter in as best that I could, and told the couple to please take there activity else where. I then proceeded to promptly walk back to my car. As I sat in my car for awhile I had this uncontrollable laughter and just could not stop laughing. All I could think about was that poor man, he was being tortured in my eyes, but obviously he was enjoying it very much. Now that my eyes had been burned out of their sockets and was no longer a virgin to such sights, I couldn't help to think to myself, "What else will I find in the middle of nowhere!"

I hope you enjoyed this story, as it's one of my favorites that I like to share with people from the time after I had completed the FTO program with my department. As soon as I have time I will write and share more funny and weird on the job stories.

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

2010-06-04T10:03:00.001-07:00

Today I would like to focus on Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Many law enforcement officers, firefighters, paramedics, and military members suffer from this everyday, due to the exposures that they face in the line of duty. I will attach several web sites and their commentaries that will offer information concerning PTSD so that you may obtain more information from them. I hope this helps to anyone with questions concerning this topic.

What is Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that can occur after you have been through a traumatic event. A traumatic event is something horrible and scary that you see or that happens to you. During this type of event, you think that your life or others' lives are in danger. You may feel afraid or feel that you have no control over what is happening.

Anyone who has gone through a life-threatening event can develop PTSD. These events can include:

• Combat or military exposure

• Child sexual or physical abuse

• Terrorist attacks

• Sexual or physical assault

• Serious accidents, such as a car wreck.

• Natural disasters, such as a fire, tornado, hurricane, flood, or earthquake.

After the event, you may feel scared, confused, or angry. If these feelings don't go away or they get worse, you may have PTSD. These symptoms may disrupt your life, making it hard to continue with your daily activities.

How does PTSD develop?

All people with PTSD have lived through a traumatic event that caused them to fear for their lives, see horrible things, and feel helpless. Strong emotions caused by the event create changes in the brain that may result in PTSD.

Most people who go through a traumatic event have some symptoms at the beginning. Yet only some will develop PTSD. It isn't clear why some people develop PTSD and others don't. How likely you are to get PTSD depends on many things. These include:

• How intense the trauma was or how long it lasted

• If you lost someone you were close to or were hurt

• How close you were to the event

• How strong your reaction was

• How much you felt in control of events

• How much help and support you got after the event

Many people who develop PTSD get better at some time. But about 1 out of 3 people with PTSD may continue to have some symptoms. Even if you continue to have symptoms, treatment can help you cope. Your symptoms don't have to interfere with your everyday activities, work, and relationships.

What are the symptoms of PTSD?

Symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be terrifying. They may disrupt your life and make it hard to continue with your daily activities. It may be hard just to get through the day.

PTSD symptoms usually start soon after the traumatic event, but they may not happen until months or years later. They also may come and go over many years. If the symptoms last longer than 4 weeks, cause you great distress, or interfere with your work or home life, you probably have PTSD.

There are four types of symptoms: reliving the event, avoidance, numbing, and feeling keyed up.

Reliving the event (also called re-experiencing symptoms):

Bad memories of the traumatic event can come back at any time. You may feel the same fear and horror you did when the event took place. You may have nightmares. You even may feel like you're going through the event again. This is called a flashback. Sometimes there is a trigger: a sound or sight that causes you to relive the event. Triggers might include:

• Hearing a car backfire, which can bring back memories of gunfire and war for a combat veteran

• Seeing a car accident, which can remind a crash survivor of his or her own accident

• Seeing a news report of a sexual assault, which may bring back memories of assault for a woman who was raped

Avoiding situations that remind you of the event:

You may try to avoid situations or people that trigger memories of the traumatic event. You may even avoid talking or thinking about the event.

• A person who was in an earthquake may avoid watching television shows or movies in which there are earthquakes

• A person who was robbed at gunpoint while ordering at a hamburger drive-in may avoid fast-food restaurants

• Some people may keep very busy or avoid seeking help. This keeps them from having to think or talk about the event.

Feeling numb:

You may find it hard to express your feelings. This is another way to avoid memories.

• You may not have positive or loving feelings toward other people and may stay away from relationships

• You may not be interested in activities you used to enjoy

• You may forget about parts of the traumatic event or not be able to talk about them.

Feeling keyed up (also called hyperarousal):

You may be jittery, or always alert and on the lookout for danger. This is known as hyperarousal. It can cause you to:

• Suddenly become angry or irritable

• Have a hard time sleeping

• Have trouble concentrating

• Fear for your safety and always feel on guard

• Be very startled when someone surprises you

What are other common problems?

People with PTSD may also have other problems. These include:

• Drinking or drug problems

• Feelings of hopelessness, shame, or despair

• Employment problems

• Relationships problems including divorce and violence

• Physical symptoms

Can children have PTSD?

Children can have PTSD too. They may have the symptoms described above or other symptoms depending on how old they are. As children get older their symptoms are more like those of adults.

• Young children may become upset if their parents are not close by, have trouble sleeping, or suddenly have trouble with toilet training or going to the bathroom

• Children who are in the first few years of elementary school (ages 6 to 9) may act out the trauma through play, drawings, or stories. They may complain of physical problems or become more irritable or aggressive. They also may develop fears and anxiety that don't seem to be caused by the traumatic event.

What treatments are available?

When you have PTSD, dealing with the past can be hard. Instead of telling others how you feel, you may keep your feelings bottled up. But treatment can help you get better.

There are good treatments available for PTSD. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one type of counseling. It appears to be the most effective type of counseling for PTSD. There are different types of cognitive behavioral therapies such as cognitive therapy and exposure therapy. A similar kind of therapy called EMDR, or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, is also used for PTSD. Medications can be effective too. A type of drug known as a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), which is also used for depression, is effective for PTSD.

(This information was provided by the National Center for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder) http://ncptsd.va.gov/ncmain/ncdocs/fact_shts/fs_what_is_ptsd.html

How does this relate to Law Enforcement?

Because of the nature of their work, police officers would seem to be prime candidates for the development of posttraumatic stress disorder. What is it about some police officers that makes them more likely to develop PTSD? What treatment approaches have you found to be effective for these patients?

Environment Causing Underreporting?

Exposure to trauma is inevitable in police work. Data show that one-third of police officers exposed to various work-related traumatic events develop significant symptoms of PTSD. In my opinion, the prevalence of PTSD is more common than has been reported. Several factors that may prevent police officers from seeking help or assistance include fear of denunciation, negative consequences on job responsibilities (such as losing one's weapon and a change of assignment), and perception of failure and personal weakness.

I have diagnosed and treated several police officers for PTSD who were initially reluctant to come for help in the mental health clinic. They all presented with the chief complaint of sleep disturbance, but after psychiatric evaluation were found to have significant symptoms of PTSD. Some refused to be labeled as having PTSD because of the fear of losing their job or a promotion.

In addition to psychopharmacologic treatment, I have found that PTSD peer groups are beneficial. Participation helps patients gain insight and understand that they are not alone. This helps to decrease the stigma and guilt associated with PTSD in police officers.

S. Faiz Qadri, M.D.

Omaha, Neb.

“PTSD is a greater cop killer than all the guns ever fired at police officers.”

These are the prophetic words of Lieutenant James F. Devine (Retired) former director of the New York Police Department Counseling Services. At least 300 police officers kill themselves every year, more than are murdered by felons. Many of these suicides occur after officers have given up trying to cope with the deadly symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Nightmares, flashbacks, anger, concentration problems, emotional detachment, avoidance of people and places are some of the signs of PTSD, a condition that can lead to depression, suicidal thoughts, addictions, eating disorders, as well as job and family conflict.

Detective William H. Martin (Retired), former coordinator of the drug and alcohol rehabilitation program for the Los Angeles Police Department, knows what PTSD can do. He suffers from it.

He says:

“As police officers, we have a very real problem. We don’t recognize how what we see, hear, smell, taste, and feel affects us on a daily basis. Our responses to violence are so subtle and long-term that we do not realize what is happening to us until we begin to lose what is most important in our lives: our families, friends, health, spirituality, honor, commitment, and sense of self-worth.

For most of my police years, I was addicted to alcohol and prescription drugs. I often had suicidal thoughts and once tried to kill myself. I didn’t realize that my exposure to frequent trauma was causing Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.”

—Excerpt from CopShock

The first step in trying to cope with PTSD or in helping others with PTSD is finding out what it is and what it is not. Let’s begin by examining the major signs of trauma that might impair a police officer and lead to PTSD. Symptoms of trauma are broken down into four categories: emotional, physical, cognitive and behavioral.

Emotional signs

Some emotional signs are denial, fear, depression, grief, and feeling hopeless, helpless, and overwhelmed. People may become angry or even suicidal. Often they dwell on details of the event.

Physical signs

Traumatized people sometimes express their feelings through physical reactions. Physical signs of trauma include chest pain, trouble breathing, high blood pressure, stomach pain, headaches, dizziness, vomiting, muscle aches, rapid heart rate, fatigue, and sleep disturbance.

Cognitive signs

Cognitive signs of trauma are confusion, trouble making decisions, memory and concentration problems, dreams, nightmares, flashbacks, slowed thinking, and blaming others.

Behavioral signs

Survivors of trauma also express feelings through their behavior. These signs may include a change in speech patterns, angry outbursts, withdrawal, gambling, an increase in consuming alcohol, drugs, or food; buying sprees, promiscuity, and unexplained or prolonged crying spells.

If you observe officers experiencing one or more of these symptoms, they may be traumatized and on the way to developing PTSD if they don’t receive guidance.

When we listen to discussions about PTSD, several murky words are thrown around like so much confetti at a New Year’s Eve dance. They sure are colorful, but they mean different things to different people. They are obvious words like “trauma,” “stress,” and “posttraumatic stress.” What do they really mean?

Trauma

Few of us have not experienced trauma in our lives. It’s a shock, a sudden kick to the body or mind that sends us into a spin. Trauma is, in part, “An emotional shock that creates substantial damage to the psychological development of the individual.”

Stress

Next is stress. Stress is not a thing. You cannot hold it in your hand. You can’t carry it in your pocket. It is a process, as intangible as happiness, anger, love, fear, and pain. Stress results when we fail to adapt to a situation. Any change can lead to stress. Stress is also the feeling of being faced with demands that cannot be met. These are demands we believe are beyond our capability of fulfilling.

Posttraumatic stress

PTSD and “posttraumatic stress” are not the same thing. Posttraumatic stress occurs moments, hours, days, or months after a traumatic event has taken place. It’s a sense of being overwhelmed. Sufferers feel they can no longer cope.

The difference between posttraumatic stress and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder is in the symptoms. Posttraumatic stress may include some PTSD symptoms such as nightmares and flashbacks, but it also features symptoms like depression, eating disorders, heavy drinking, and gambling, which are not part of PTSD’s roster of reactions. Posttraumatic stress symptoms are generally short-lived, unlike PTSD’s symptoms. But if not looked after through counseling or some other form of support, posttraumatic stress could develop into PTSD.

PTSD: What It Is Not

Now, finally, on to the definition of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. Almost. First, let’s be sure we are aware of what PTSD is not. It does not mean mental illness. It is a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of stress. Dr. Aphrodite Matsakis, author of eight books on Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, says, “…you are not crazy… PTSD is a normal reaction to being victimized, abused, or put in a life-threatening situation with few means of escape.”

PTSD: What It Is

To be diagnosed with PTSD, candidates must meet two specific criteria as defined by the American Psychiatric Association in its publication called The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, also called the DSM-IV.

First, to become a candidate for PTSD, a person must experience or witness a traumatic event that involves actual or threatened death or serious injury. The second key ingredient is that the person must respond with intense fear, helplessness, or horror. These reactions pave the way for PTSD to be set in motion.

For police officers, these criteria present a dilemma. Cops are trained not to respond with fear, helplessness, or horror. They are taught to control the situation, help people, and move on to the next job. Despite this contradiction, cops do develop PTSD. Sometimes it is later when they are reflecting on critical incidents that they feel fear, horror, and helplessness.

What is PTSD? You could sum up PTSD simply by saying that it consists of three clusters or groupings of symptoms. Those groupings are called reliving, avoidance, and arousal.

Reliving

To relive the trauma, sufferers may persistently re-experience the event in episodes like nightmares and flashbacks. They may feel that the traumatic event is invading their thoughts.

Avoidance

Avoidance means that the victims avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma. This takes the form of suppressing feelings so well that the traumatized individuals become unable to remember important aspects of the trauma. They may avoid thoughts, conversations, or places where the trauma occurred. They may believe that they no longer have any feelings, that their emotions are dulled or numb. They become detached from everyone, even loved ones, and become uninvolved in family activities or work. They withdraw from life, having difficulty actually feeling anything for anybody.

Arousal

Lastly, survivors of trauma may experience arousal. That means they may have problems in concentrating and falling or staying asleep. They become irritable because of minor annoyances, or burst out in unexplained anger. They become easily startled; every noise seems to make them jump. They overreact to situations and find themselves super-alert or hyper-vigilant about people or places.

What I have just described is a simplified definition of PTSD. For more symptoms and qualifiers, please consult the DSM-IV.

Signs of PTSD

Sometimes we mistake other symptoms of trauma for signs of PTSD. Some of these symptoms are alcoholism, drug use, eating disorders, depression, and suicidal thoughts. They may be present at the same time as PTSD. They may show themselves before PTSD sets in or afterwards as a reaction to trying to subdue PTSD symptoms. But they are not considered symptoms of PTSD, only red flags or associated conditions that represent the disorder’s progress.

Conditions like alcoholism, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, and the like are serious and often life-threatening. They are just not part of the specific symptoms for a PTSD diagnosis. However, if you notice that fellow officers are exhibiting one or more of these conditions, you may wish to advise them to see a counselor experienced in treating trauma victims. These symptoms may be hiding PTSD.

As you can see, with exceptions and qualifiers, PTSD is not easy to determine. You cannot diagnose yourself. Even mental health professionals find it difficult to diagnose PTSD, as the symptoms are complex, and a proper assessment can take months. So when fellow officers tell you that a professional has diagnosed them with PTSD, don’t think it’s a fraud or a joke. It’s no joke. They are experiencing days and nights teeming with nightmares, cold sweats, tears, and misery you can’t even imagine.

As a friend, partner, or manager, if you think officers are having a hard time coping with a specific critical incident or years of accumulated crime scenes, suggest they talk to a peer supporter or outside counselor. Find a way to ensure confidentiality; otherwise they might not seek help. Perhaps the officers will resent you for interfering, but it’s better to be wrong than to lose an officer to PTSD or suicide.

http://www.calea.org/online/newsletter/No87/ptsd.htm

Killer Cocktail: PTSD and Your Local Police

by Kelley B. Vlahos, April 27, 2010

The moment that Austin police officer Wayne Williamson began unloading his pistol in a filled parking lot was probably the first time he realized he hadn’t left Iraq too far behind.

Williamson never hit his target –a fleeing, "possibly armed" suspect – but only one of the bullets he discharged in the parking lot was ever found. It was lodged in the back seat of a car in which two children, a 14-year-old girl and a four-month-old baby, had been sitting (miraculously, neither was injured). There were no excuses or cover-ups, however – Williamson was subsequently terminated from his nine-year career as a police officer.

Williamson is one of thousands of veterans who have returned from Iraq and Afghanistan with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), though he had not been treated for it before the aforementioned incident on March 14, 2007. A National Guardsman who left his job at the Austin Police Department (APD) to go to war in 2005, Williamson saw heavy combat in Tikrit before coming home and going back on patrol. He later told a reporter how a fleeing suspect like the one he had encountered in the parking lot would have been handled in Iraq.

“Bad guys get away over there, they come back with things strapped to their chest, and they don’t mind blowing themselves up – or you or somebody else around you,” he told writer Jordan Smith, who added, "That was a soldier’s lesson it seems that no one at APD thought to help him unlearn before he returned to patrol."

Members of the Army National Guard and Reserves have been rotating in and out of the two-front war with such regularity it’s become difficult to tell the difference between the "part timers" and the active-duty force – with one major distinction. Guardsmen and reservists go back to civilian jobs in between their multiple tours. Many are police officers. In fact, police departments across the country are actively recruiting part-time soldiers and veterans because their acquired "skill set" apparently makes them a desired fit for this line of work.

So what happens when they bring the war to work with them?

Williamson never denied the gravity of what happened in the parking lot that day. When speaking before the police disciplinary review board on the matter, he said, “That day, I posed a threat to other people … innocent civilians. If I’m a greater danger to the people than the guy that I’m chasing, then there’s … something definitely wrong there, sir.”

Experts who spoke with Antiwar.com said the relentless urban war zone through which these citizen soldiers have rotated for one, two, even three tours can warp their perspective of the policing environment back home. Their "area of operation" today may be a gritty public housing project or a sleepy middle-American burg, but it may all seem like Baghdad again in a troubled vet’s mind. Unfortunately, the acceptable military "rules of engagement" are completely incompatible with the authority and obligations of a civilian police officer.

Soldiers are trained to kill; police are trained to "keep the peace." Soldiers shoot first and ask questions later. Cops read Miranda rights. They are supposed to abide by the Constitution. In a hyper-criminalized society in which police are already criticized for being too aggressive and the gulf between cop and "civilian" is ever widening, this could be lighter fluid poured on a fire for departments and communities across the country.

Allen Kates, author of CopShock: Surviving Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, said that any cop left to go about his job with untreated PTSD is like ticking time bomb. "It can be very dangerous for military people who have not dealt with their PTSD to do their police work," he stressed, noting that departments struggle enough with how to handle officers who are traumatized by events that occur on the job. Handling vets who come back from urban combat overseas is even harder.

Plus, while 54 percent of departments across the country have some sort of counseling unit, "that does not mean a majority of cops will go – there is still a stigma," Kates said. Unless there is confidentiality promised to the officer up front, many will see counseling as a potential blot on their record, and cause for suspicion and ridicule. This is not so different from the way military people have viewed mental health care as a potential stain to be avoided.

So what are the symptoms? We know Williamson suggested he reacted like a soldier in Tikrit, not a cop, when chasing his suspect that fateful night. In addition to disorientation, experts say hyper-vigilance to the point of paranoia, a quick temper, overreaction, lack of empathy, and poor performance due to a loss of sleep and problems at home are all potential signs of a cop in need of readjustment and treatment.

The problem is that police not only carry weapons, but their badges give them special power over the civilians they are sworn to "protect and serve." That trust is put on the line when an officer is temporarily stuck in a reality thousands of miles away.

"[Cops] are trained to stuff their feelings," said Kates. "If you keep stuffing them, they’re sooner or later going to come out, in a dramatic way."

But while the vast majority of vet-cops will never shoot into a crowded parking lot or repeatedly punch a handcuffed suspect in the face, an important study released in September by the International Association of Chiefs of Police (IACP) and the Bureau of Justice Assistance indicates that a growing number of officers admit to carrying negative baggage from the war – and their superiors are noticing.

"Employing Returning Combat Veterans as Law Enforcement Officers" [.pdf] is the result of interviews with 53 Iraq/Afghanistan veterans now serving as police officers and 112 department leaders, as well as written responses from 340 additional veterans.

Of the vets who responded to the question about behavioral changes on the job after returning from war (about 19 percent of the total), 75 percent reported they were more sensitive to sudden noises and movement, and 72 percent reported changes in mood. They were also more irritable and more prone to anger post-deployment.

Of all vets surveyed, 28 percent said they "were experiencing mental health symptoms that they associate with combat." Some comments included "examples such as exaggerated survival instincts, PTSD, paranoia, and anxiety."

From the report’s summary:

"Troops must make instantaneous decisions when confronting resistance in the urban combat setting, and it is very possible that such combat experience enhances their decision-making abilities in the domestic policing environment. However, the environments in which service members work are quite different from the environments in which law enforcement officers work. Sustained operations under combat circumstances may cause returning officers to mistakenly blur the lines between military combat situations and civilian crime situations, resulting in inappropriate decisions and actions – particularly in the use of less lethal or lethal force. This similarity may cause an operational or reactive issue that could result in injury or death to an innocent civilian."

Let’s listen to the cops, as recorded in the survey, on making that "mental shift" to Main Street from Haifa Street:

"In [California], a gang city, I responded to gun fire. There was an 11-year-old gunshot victim. I get there, and chaos is breaking out, there is a crowd. They are all asking questions, pushing to get on the scene. And I thought I was back in Iraq, and I thought I was going to lose my control. … In Iraq you would fire a couple shots in the air to push the crowds back. …

"It is real hard, especially when have just come back from a tour. It is hard for your mind to transition from a military to a law mode. … I did not act on my impulse like it was Iraq, I actually physically stepped back to my patrol car and watched things for awhile and I was able to clear my mind. It wasn’t that I didn’t know where I was, it was more I felt overwhelmed by all the screaming. I was more nervous because of having to deal with crowds in Iraq."

Then there are the different rules of engagement:

"In SWAT, no one can get shot. When we enter a building or room [in the military] we yelled ‘down’ and shot anyone who didn’t, but not in SWAT. You have to make a judgment call. By military standards, I am successful if I take less than 13 percent casualties but in SWAT, you can’t take any casualties."

"Control issues" also come into play:

"The hardest thing for me during my transition was control issues. … A student told me recently that I was so intimidating. … I didn’t see myself as intimidating. I had two complaints lodged on me. Both of them dealt with people perceiving me to be very military in bearing and unbendable on the scene."

Some veterans express frustration with – and little tolerance for – the society they have come back to:

"I have no tolerance for people asking me for directions. Someone stopped me and I said, ‘Why can’t you just leave me alone?’ I had a bad attitude, and I could tell from his face that I made him mad, and rightfully so. I was disrespectful. [I have] this ‘I don’t care’ attitude. I don’t want to waste my time with disabled vehicles because I want to go catch the bad guys. I have less tolerance for the minor things, and they should be just as important."

Other responses included a learned bias against people with Middle Eastern names and features. Vets also admitted to bringing their family problems to work. Some admitted to disliking their supervisors and trusting and socializing only with fellow veterans, thus exacerbating the us-vs.-them atmosphere that can be poisonous in a department.

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Lisa Zepeda was deployed for two years with the Army, one in Kuwait at a combat hospital, the second at Abu Ghraib in Iraq. A single mother, she returned to her teenage son and her job as a Chicago police officer in 2005. She recently joined up with two Vietnam vets to form a support group for fellow cops who have done time in combat and are dealing with readjustment issues.

"I think there are a lot of people suffering in silence – these are the people I’m going to reach out to," she told Antiwar.com.

Zepeda insisted that a lot of cops actually grow and become better police officers after war, and the survey in part bears that out – but they must get the treatment and have the transition time when they get home to realize the potential positives.

"I feel more compassionate, I have more empathy. I’m going to be more patient with people. [War] has made me more understanding," she said. "I know what’s important and what’s not important."

But she admitted that when she got home she was "angry" – mostly at the government for sending soldiers into a long, confusing mission with seemingly no end. She joined Iraq Veterans Against the War. She hung out with only fellow vets during the police department’s required retraining at the police academy.

But it was the transition – including the available counseling – that made her feel like herself again. The Chicago Police Department, she said, "had the resources to retrain us and keep us off the job for a few months. They buffered us and retrained us and sent us back on the street. With smaller departments, they don’t have that luxury. They’re just sending them back on the street. I don’t think that does anyone any good."

Some 84 percent of vets surveyed agreed that a period of transition bolstered by counseling and other assistance by the department is essential before putting combat vets back on the beat.

This puts smaller departments in a Catch-22. A small force can’t afford to train and maintain new officers while its Guard members and reservists are constantly rotating in and out of the force, so it is always stretched. When veterans come home, the department has to get them back on duty ASAP to plug the gaps.

Take the tiny Milton Police Department in Vermont. Five of its 14 officers are currently deployed overseas, according to a recent write-up in the Burlington Free Press.

"It’s created a lot of overtime shifts and a lot of officers are working many many more hours," said town police chief Brett Van Noordt, who said the department has not had any problems with returning veterans so far. He normally gives vets as much time as they need to re-acclimate. "We let them come back at their own pace."

We hope that most police officers are like Zepeda, more compassionate, reflective, and grounded because of their terrible experiences overseas.

Of course, the chances of this get slimmer as the wars wear on, requiring more cops to leave to fulfill their Guard and reserve duty, risking burnout, mental and physical stress, and moral compromise. Police departments – already strained by today’s fiscal burdens – are often too stretched to provide necessary mentoring and assistance to avoid the Williamsons and others who might blow up on the job.

While we should be grateful that someone out there is aware of all these pitfalls, it sounds like the only way to keep the war out of our police departments and off our streets is to get out of the war, period. We don’t need a survey or glossy report to tell us that.

http://original.antiwar.com/vlahos/2010/04/26/killer-cocktail/

Missing Special Occasions

2010-05-31T20:53:00.000-07:00

Part of being in law enforcement is working all those assigned long hours, which even include working those special occasions that the normal public gets to enjoy so much. It is one of the hardest times to work, but you must, its part of the job. Whether your in a new relationship, marriage, or even a been married for awhile and have children, the work never ends, and it is hard to have to be away so much.

I have learned through the years, because of my seniority status in my department, that if you can submit your time off requests far in advanced for preplanned events, holidays, or even special days, such as birthday’s, that you have a far better chance of getting them off. For our new Cops that join, they have less of a chance, but still recommend the advanced requests, considering you never know what days will be available.

For the families that have to watch as their husbands or wives go off to fight crime, and are forced to work all those special occasions, it is hard. But don’t let that affect your relationship, instead find new methods of celebrating. One way me and my wife substitute things, is through email, or using websites such as Facebook, or Myspace, to record such events, share photos, and document the day. I know it’s not the same, but you still can share and be some what apart of the day, even if you can’t be present. Even text messaging helps, my wife loves to share what the kids are doing, while I work. I may not necessarily be able to respond back to every message, but I get to read and see that things are going well.

Being in law enforcement is rough, not only on the person working in it, but the family that is attached to the Cop working the beat. There is no complete right or wrong answer to fixing some of these problems, but the answer I have is to be creative, communicated always, take advantage of the technology that is available to share special moments, and always share your feeling before your spouse walks out that door to go to work. Try to be as positive as you can, and try to hold back the negativity that you may be feeling, when he/she has to work that special occasion.

I myself have had my share of working Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Birthday’s, National Holiday’s, State Holiday’s, Valentine’s Day, New Year’s, and much more. I agree it sucks, but it’s the job, and as a Cop it’s our job to protect life and property, service the public, and keep order when there is chaos.

If you have any comments or suggestions on how to make these rough times better, I would love to hear from you. You can also go to Http://mrdeputysworld.blogspot.com and post comments there.

Cops and Infidelity

2010-05-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

Today I thought I would write about cops and the infidelity that takes place. Reason for this is because my wife recently received an email from one of her followers that had a lot of questions regarding her suspicions of her husband cheating, who is also a cop. So I thought I would write about my personal experiences and experiences that I have observed since I have been in law enforcement.

I have been a cop for about 12 years, I have seen a lot, and have experienced a lot! When it comes to infidelity, I can honestly say I have seen a lot of that working in the job, and yes even I was stupid enough in my past to have been seduced by the ideas, thoughts, and physical acts of infidelity during my past marriage.

It is my experience that when a new recruit finally passes there academy training and enters into the world of law enforcement, they are like a child. They are new to the concepts, the lifestyle, and the temptations that await you. They enter the world of law enforcement, they receive there field training, and then they are on there own, free to explore, free to experience and see the world for what it really is. The world is an ugly place, and citizens are ignorant to what actually takes place around them. Citizen's only hear and see maybe 10% of what happens in their community, and the media only talks about 1%, (which half the time they get the story wrong and pass inaccurate information to the public.)

The New Cop now is exposed to all the evils in the world right at his feet, and he will be tempted on many occasions to fail, and travel in a path that he shouldn't, but find that they are actually taking that bait laid out for them. One of those temptations is sex. The New Cop finds themselves engulfed with women or men, everywhere, not only on the street where they work, but in the work place as well. They find themselves entering a world where sexual harassment and conversation is abundant from sexually desperate and lonely women to overly sexually hungered men. Teasing begins in a friendly conversation, never meant to cause harm, but nevertheless very arousing for the either party. Thoughts begin to enter the New Cops head, temptation begins to grow, and conversations increase, until one day the New Cop succumbs to the temptation, and fantasy becomes reality. The New Cop forgets that he/she is married to a wonderful person at home, and finds themselves seduced by the evil that is in front of them. They give into the evil of infidelity until eventually they are caught by there spouse.

There spouse wonders what they have done to cause such a horrible event, how could they have pushed away their spouse and make them go astray. But it isn't the spouse at home, its the New Cop's fault, they allowed the evil temptation of infidelity to take place and now their marriage is ruined though cheating, lying, and practically unforgivable acts.

Male Cops find themselves giving into infidelity because of the incredible thoughts of having sex with women who promise sexual acts that aren't offered at home by their wife, and because all Cops crave that adrenaline rush of the job and can't get anywhere else, infidelity offers a temporary adrenaline rush through sneaking around and lying to there spouses, and fulfilling those desired sexual fantasy lusts that they have craved, probably before meeting there spouses, or may have developed after the marriage and entered the job. All are different and have different reasons for caving into the temptation of infidelity. No matter the reason, it is wrong.

Like I told you before, I even fell into the same temptation that a New Cop did. All for the reasons that I had mention up above. I could believe how many women were out there, and all they wanted to do is have sex with you because you wore that uniform and carried that badge. They didn't care if you physically fit, fat, cute, or ugly. They just wanted a Cop because it would complete there fantasy. The women would promise to make thing interesting. Some were married, some were single, some were divorced, some sought out ways to fulfill sexual fantasies, and some just wanted affection and attention that they didn't get at home. I was never caught in my first marriage, but did one day admit to my first wife what I had done. She said she had forgiven me, but I honestly think that the trust had been broken and nothing could ever be forgiven. We didn't end our marriage cause of my acts, and I wised up and stopped after the birth of first child. The damage had been done though, and she eventually cheated on me, brought people home in the middle of the night as I worked the graveyard shift. I would catch these men, sleeping in my bed as I walked through the door. Believe me, I learned my lesson, and now felt what she had when I did it. But that didn't even end the marriage. What ended it, was her cheating with a guy and getting hooked on drugs. The effort was put into the marriage to fix it, but the damage by me in the past was already done and she made her choice as well.

At the end of my marriage with my first wife, I met my current wife. I made a vow a long time ago that I would not make the same mistakes as my first marriage and I haven't. I wouldn't lie, and the temptations in the job are out there, but they are not worth destroying the marriage and relationship you have established. It’s not worth losing your kids, and it’s not worth losing your home. Relationships and Marriages have enough drama in it that causes the relationship to be a roller coaster, why add to it. My current wife and I have struggled in our marriage. There have been times were I thought, "This is the end!" But it wasn't, we worked through the problems, even if it was rough, and have prevailed. I can't imagine making the same mistakes as my first marriage, and feel bad for the families of Cops that are just learning and experiencing this for themselves.

I have preached to the New Cops in my department of my experiences, and tell them of the evil temptations out there. Most ignore my preaching, say they will never cheat, but as I watch them in their career, they fall to the temptations as I did and many other Cops. Some to this day, there spouses still have no clue what there husbands or wives are doing. Cops have a very busy work schedule do doubt, and there is now doubt in my mind that they take advantage of there busy work schedule to fulfill this infidelity lust they have developed. It’s bad enough that Cops have the highest divorce rate in the United States.

If you suspect your husband or wife cheating who work in law enforcement, and have questions, feel free to ask questions for advice. I would never recommend spying on your spouses (which includes checking your spouses cellular phone), because if they really aren't cheating, it could cause potential problems with the marriage or relationship that isn't necessary. Instead try to maintain an open communication, ask about there job, ask about them, ask them about there day. Don't ever stop talking with your spouse, maintain a sense of interest even if you aren't, remind them as much as you can how much they mean to you, and take the time to include them in daily activities. If they don't participate it’s on them, not you! Text them on your cell phone while at work, and ask them how the day is going. I love it when my wife talks to me and shares with me what the kids are doing, even if its bad news.

If your spouse doesn't communicate with you, can't tell you about there day at work, can't show proof of their work schedule, training schedule, or court schedule, or acts secretly all the time, then there is a problem and you should talk with them. My wife can call my dispatch, work, or cell phone at any time to get a hold of me at work, and she at anytime can request to see my schedule, and I would make a copy of my schedule at work and bring it to her. All courts send out subpoena's and your spouse should be able to show you the document that orders him/her to testify in court. If they can not do these things something is wrong.

One more thing, back to the checking your spouse’s cellular phone, reason why I don't recommend that, is because some Cops do use their personal phone for work purposes. Some carry work phones or pagers. It’s not a good idea to jump to conclusions because of the numbers on the phone, and because in today society the cellular phone is considered a private piece of equipment. It’s like having someone looking in your underwear drawer or reading your diary/journal. Instead, of spying in the phone, just answer it for them. If it’s someone from work, they will ask for a Officer so and so, Deputy so and so, or a Mr. so and so. When a person talks to a Cop using their first name it’s more personal and can be a red flag. I never allow anyone to use my first name unless they are family, close friend, or the person at work is close to me. So keep that in mind.

I hope this helps, and please email me if you have questions or concerns.

The Lady in White

2010-05-24T03:28:00.000-07:00

Do you like ghost stories? Well here is one of many that I have and know it to be true. This is an incident that occurred to me while on duty working the graveyard shift. I don't remember the date that this occurred since it happened probably around the year 2003 or 2004. But I do remember the details very well.

I was on routine patrol, in an area that my department calls the Valley. In the Valley is a small town with roughly around 300 or so people. The town has existed since the mid 1800's and is a farming community. On the outskirts of the town is a medium size cemetery. Part of my job at night when patrolling in the area, is to provide some patrol through the cemetery and possibly prevent thefts and vandalisms to the property. Cemeteries do not bother me in the least bit, while there are many Deputies that work for my Department that will directly refuse to even enter one at night.

I guessing that is was around 10 PM or so, maybe closer to midnight, when I drove through the cemetery for a routine patrol. It was dark, but you can make out all the old head stones, and even the newer ones. The roads in the cemetery are old, narrow, and made of loose gravel. So I stopped near the public restrooms, which is a building that to me almost resembles a mausoleum, and the entrances are blocked by iron gates, no doors. Usually the gates are open, for some reason the gates to the restroom were locked and I had to pee. So I stood behind my vehicle and urinated on the dirt near my car, when I saw the female walking on the far end of the cemetery. I could see her clear as day, she was a white lady, wearing a long white bulky type dress, and walking at a normal pace.

This did not scare me, but put my senses on alert. It wasn't uncommon for the locals that live nearby to ride their horses or take night time strolls in and around the cemetery. But the cemetery is closed after dusk, so I jumped back in my vehicle to make contact with this lady. As I drove near the location that the female was seen walking, she had disappeared. There was really no where for her to go because on the opposite side of her was a fence line, and the only other directions she could have gone was toward my car or toward the front entrance, and I should have encountered her. I drove around slowly checking the area but did not locate her. I was stumped by her disappearance, but made no issue about it.

Months had passed by since my sighting of this lady. Yes, I believe in ghosts, but never speculate as to a haunting unless I know that it was for sure, but contacted a local that lived in the town nearby. We got to talking about different things, and the subject came up about old homes built in the 1800's that were haunted and places in the county that were considered haunted as well. Then the local guy tells me, "You ever patrol in that cemetery?" I told him, "Sure I patrol in there all the time at night." The local guy says, "You know that place is haunted, right?" I said, "Oh really, what sightings have been seen in there?" The local guy says to me, "Well the most famous ghost sighting is that of a woman dress all in white, wearing a dress!" My heart dropped, and I thought to myself, that is the lady I saw.

A couple of years went by, and I talked to the caretaker of the cemetery, again sharing ghost stories. She shares with me stories that she has of the cemetery after I had mention to her that locals say that the cemetery is haunted. The caretaker confirmed that the cemetery is haunted, and repeated a similar story about the lady in white that is seen walking along the dirt roadway not far from the entrance, which is the same road way that I seen the lady. After she told me her story, I got shivers down my spine.

I still go in there though, late at night, patrolling the area, but haven't seen anything since. I hope you enjoyed the story, and yes it is true.

Fallen Hero

2010-05-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

This is a story of the worse night I ever had being a cop. This is a true story of the loss of a friend, co-worker, and a Deputy that I worked with. If your sensitive to sad stories that are true, you might want to skip this posting and reserved your emotions, but if your a supporter of law enforcement and would like to read about what happened and the feeling that I felt on the night I will never forget, then please read on.

On June 5, 2008, I was working a 12 hour graveyard shift for the Sheriff's Department that I work for. The day started out like any other day. I went to briefing with all my fellow Deputies, got assigned to a specific beat with a partner, checked out my car, and went to work. My partner that was assigned to my beat with me, was a person that I had known for many years. He use to work as a IT technician for the County I worked for prior to becoming a Deputy. We would share stories together all the time, and because I was as much a computer nerd as him, he would teach me knew things every chance he got. We would even play practical jokes together using the computer on our fellow co-workers. Now he wasn't the best cop in the world, but he would keep you entertained, and was always there when you needed him. English was is second language, and he had this destinctive Spanish accent that would make me laugh ever time I heard him on the radio running a plate. Every time he would say 1, it always would sound like he was saying Juan.

It was around 6 pm when I started my shift. I drove to a small hole in the wall Mexican restaurant that I frequented to get dinner. After dinner, I drove to a gas station to pick up a pack of cigarettes, since I smoke. My partner had driven to the northern part of the county in which we were patrolling, where there is a small truck stop type of town. We had received a (B.O.L.) be on the lookout bulletin of a drunk driver with a child heading toward the town he was in. I was ready to head up to his location when a Sergeant had directed me to go back to the office to check on some equipment that he misplaced.

After checking on the equipment, I headed to the eastern most town in my beat, since I was close by. I figured I do a quick sweep in the area and head back to the town my partner was in. My partner was doing his normal thing. I could hear him on the radio stopping cars, running plates, basically the normal things a cop does in my county. So I got to the eastern town, drove around for a bit, and start contacting some people at a boat ramp that was with in the town to see what they were up too.

It was now around 9 pm, and my partner puts out over the radio that he has located the DUI (Driving Under the Influence) driver at a truck stop and was going to make contact. I start heading to his location to cover him. With in seconds, he is notifying our dispatch that he is now in pursuit of the vehicle. I activate my overhead red and blue lights, turn on my sirens, and started driving real fast to his location. From where I was to where he was located, would normally take me approximately 10 min to get to him driving at Code 3. A minute passed by and my partner is now advising that the suspect vehicle is making a U-turn and was heading in his direction. I kick up my speed, change my direction of travel to match my partners. Now my partner is advising that he is going down a secluded road and is at a dead in near a house, the suspect has bailed out of vehicle and is running. My partner advises on the radio that he is terminating the pursuit and will be checking on the child inside the vehicle.

I feel a sign of relief, the pursuit is over and my partner made a good call to end it. Silence hit the radio, but I didn't slow down. Two other Deputies were responding as well and were much closer than I. Several minutes had passed by, with no updates. I started to feel a sense that something was terribly wrong. I felt I should ask his status on the radio, but for some reason for the first time felt fear and was afraid to ask. My Partner then got on the radio again, and in a low whisper on the radio all you can hear, "Officer Down!!" There was no shouting, no panic in his voice, no sense of adrenaline that a cop usually has in a serious situation. Just a very painful low tone that I never heard before, "Officer Down!!"

My heart dropped, fear began to build up, I was only 4-5 minutes away now. I started preparing in my head that I was going to get into a gun battle and that I needed to save my partner. In another 3 min, the other two Deputies arrive to the location where my partner was. I wasn't far away. They had advised that he was hurt, but OK. I raced as fast as I could to the location, and when I got there, I saw my partner laying on the ground. The two Deputies had extracted him from his original position to the area he was at to get him out of harms way.

I got out of my car, grabbed my AR-15 carbine rifle, locked and loaded it, went to my partner and saw that he was in a lot of pain. He was in tears, grabbing at his chest, and requesting that someone call his fiance. The fire department that was on scene and began their medical treatment to stabilize him from the wounds that he received. One of the original responding Deputies stayed with him and provided comfort, while the other was still in the danger zone taking cover behind his patrol vehicle and advising dispatch where he needed fellow Deputies to respond in order to set up a perimeter.

I ran to the Deputies location that was setting up the perimeter and provided cover while he did his job. After about 10 minutes, our dispatch advises that citizens are reporting of a subject running across the freeway nearby with a possible rifle in hand away from the area. I ran back to where my injured partner was, grabbed a responding California highway patrol officer (CHP), and set up an inner perimeter near the last know sighting.

The last I saw of my partner he was hurt, but alive, and getting medical treatment. I was determined to do my job to the best of my ability and help catch the guy who did this. I stood on perimeter, very close to where the suspect would be later located. I was by myself, with a CHP officer not to far away. Hours had passed, and we kept the suspect at bay, preventing his movement. SWAT was called in to assist the search, along with allied agencies all over . I had never seen so many cops in one place before. It looked like an army of cops. I stayed at my post for nearly 6 hours before getting relieved by members of an outside agency, and had no clue or updated information regarding my partner condition.

I called one of the original responding Deputies who was at the command post. It was then that I learned that my partner died from his wounds on his way to the hospital. My heart fell deeper, tears began to stream from my eyes, and all I could think of was to call my wife and let her know what had happened, and to let her know that I was alright.

I had never felt the loss of a partner, fellow Deputy, and a friend before in this way. Sure I have known other cops to fall in the line of duty before, but never had a close bond like I did with him. I would later learn that my partner was shot in the left clavicle area of his left shoulder by a .223 caliber round. The .223 round shattered upon penetration and severed his artery causing him to bleed internally. Doctors would say that there was no possible chance to save him.

They found the suspect several hours after I was relieved from my post, not far from where I was at. He had been hiding in a large pile of brush, when officers in the area heard some noise. The SWAT team responded and located the suspect. He now faces a long list of felony charges along with Murder.

I have intentionally left out the names, locations, and other information due to the fact this incident has not yet gone to trial, and the suspect has not been convicted.

The "Welfare Check"

2010-05-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

One night, working the graveyard shift in 2008, Deputies were dispatched to a 9-1-1 cellular call in a small town, where a Hispanic man was threatening to commit suicide. Because the call was on a cellular phone, and not the newer phones with GPS, all we could do is triangulate the signal and search for a person that was suspicious in the area.

We eventually got the guys first name, and searched our database to any and all known persons living in this small town with that name. We knew the man was a local, we knew his first name, and we knew that he had family in the area as well. So the Deputies went door to door, checking on the known houses that had persons living there with the known first name.

Conducting such a check in law enforcement is called a "Welfare Check!" A Welfare Check does not require law enforcement to obtain a search warrant from the courts to search the welfare of a person or person(s). In fact it is considered a exigent circumstance, which allows law enforcement to perform a warrantless search on the condition that it is to only check the condition of the person or person(s) that may be in danger.

Now the town we were checking is dominated by poor White, Hispanic, and some Asians. We only had a handfull of houses to check, so we went door to door checking those residences. My partner walked up to one house asking this older Hispanic lady if there was a person living at the residence by the name of Marcus. The lady told my partner, "Yes!" So my partner advised her that we had a situation going on and we had to do a "Welfare Check." The Old Hispanic Lady, very polite, told my partner that she understood and welcomed him into her home. After my partner searched around, he didn't find who was looking for, even though he did find the man that had the matching name. My partner thanked the Old Hispanic Lady for allowing him to check the house. The Old Hispanic Lady again stated she understood, and told my partner that, he might go check out the house two doors down, because she knows for certain that house is on "Welfare" too and receives "Checks" in the mail!!!

My partner could not help but to hold back his laughter until he got outside to his patrol vehicle. It was then that he told me the story and he burst into laughter. I never seen him laugh so hard. This story though became the highlight of the night. I call this the "Welfare Check" story.

Childhood - Part 2

2010-05-21T06:38:00.000-07:00

Some time during my 1st grade years (1981 -1982), my mother was taking care of friends child, by the name of Teresa. Her mother never came back to get her and had abandoned her at our house. My mother at the time, doing what she felt was right, took Teresa in and raised her for a couple of years until her father was located. Teresa was a nice girl, but she had some problems. I think she may had been abused, but my memory of her is vague. In the 1st grade, I had such a horrible time, I had a teacher who was mean and didn't take the time to teach us much in the class. In fact there were a lot of children in my class that had struggled during this period because what I later learned was that that the school had hired a person that had no teaching credentials. Apparently back then it wasn't required for a private school to hire persons with credentials. Needless to say, I didn't learn anything, so therefore I was behind greatly in my studies and understanding of subjects.

When I started the 2nd grade, I had such a hard time with school, that my teacher, Mrs Monson, would tutor me in her home and at school for short periods of time. I had a small crush on her, probably because how nice she was. But no matter how much she tried my comprehension was poor when it came to the subjects and materials I needed to learn. Another problem that I had was my hard time paying attention in class. I had a habit of daydreaming the day away in class. I can remember some of those daydreams that I would have to this day. At times I would dream of the soccer team that I was in, and that all my team mates were soldiers fighting against the other soccer teams. We had laser guns and would have a stand off in the fields, shooting at each other. Of course I was the leader, and my sidekicks were my closest friends at the time, William (Bill) Ruiz, and Michael Karsikass (not sure of the spelling of the last name).

Because of my learning problem, unable to read, unable to perform simple mathematics, unable to write, or comprehend the simplest things, my mother and father hired a tutor. I can't remember her name, but she was a college student from California State University of Sacramento. She was a very nice lady, and spend a long time teaching me after class. She would even come over to the house. She would make these charts for me, so as I progressed I would receive a star, sometimes I would receive gifts. She tutored me from 2nd grade up until 4th grade. She focused a lot of attention on my reading, writing, and comprehension skills the most. Math was important too, but even to this day I struggle with mathematics.

During my 2nd grade years (1982 - 1983), my little sister Pamela was born. I can remember my father coming to the school and picking up because mom was in labor. When Pam as born, I wasn't happy at all. In fact I think I became rebellious toward her. Most of it was jealousy, since I use to get a large portion of attention and now it was all gone. Dad, whom I was closest too, spent a lot of time with Pam and showed very little interest in me for some time. Dad did however show a lot of interest in my ability to play soccer. Whether I was good or not, I'm not sure, but he did go to every game I had. Mom, however was never there for my games. She was busy going my sister Michelle's games. She was also in Soccer, but also was active in baseball, and other sports. She had more of the athletic skills than I. I had played T-ball one year and after that, my baseball career was over. Soccer was my thing though, and loved the sport. My coach, Angel Bautista, and his son Michael were close to me at the time. We were part of a team called the "Little Rascals", which was part of the Tahoe Park League. My friend, Bill Ruiz, was also on my team. I played with this team for a long time, until I had to go into an older group of kids. By then I transferred to the South Florin League, and played with my friend and neighbor, Jason Roper. It was during this time that I received my first Holy Communion through the Catholic Church. It was an embarrassing time for me because everyone wore this dark blue suit, while I was the only one who wore a light blue suit. I broke my left arm also in 2nd grade. I was showing off to some girls on the jungle gym, fell and landing on a piece of wood that bordered the play area. My left elbow hit the wood, and broke the elbow bone. I thought I had just hit my funny bone and started laughing. It wasn't until I couldn't move my arm that I realized that something was wrong. I went from laughing to crying. My mom came and picked me up from school and took me to the hospital. The doctor placed a cast on my arm and I spent 4 weeks in a cast. That was the only time I had ever broke a bone.

In 3rd grade (1983 - 1984), I had a Nun for a teacher. She was well known to be strict, but a good teacher. She would teach the students piano lessons. Piano was believed to enhance a child's learning ability when it came to math and English. My sister, Michelle,was very good at her piano lessons, and I can remember watching many recitals that she played in. I tried one year to play the piano and took lessons. But my desire to be like my sister was not successful. I hated piano!!

4th grade (1984 -1985), my parents transferred me and Michelle to St. Patrick's Elementary School. New school, new kids, new friends or a lack of friends thereof. My sister had no problem making new friends, but I apparently am my father's son and had a natural anti-social behavior problem, which caused me to rebel from most people and not make very many friends. I found a lot of people in my new class were either really nerdy or jockish types. I didn't fit in to either cliquish groups. I was a loner for the first time, no friends, and found myself sitting in the playground during recess, by myself. I would try and play with the other kids at times, but found myself being made fun of because I had a bubble butt. I guess it wasn't any better than me being teased at the other school I went too, with them calling me "Dumbo" or "Big Ears". This was also the same year my mother, would get into a major accident on Florin Rd and Stockton Blvd. I am surprised she survived because she was really messed up from the accident. I would eventually make an Asian friend named Curtis. He was a fat Asian kid, and showed no discrimination toward me or my differences. His best friend however, Jason, hated me, and believed himself to be the 007 character "James Bond." I have to give him credit though, he was very intelligent for his age, but I apparently was a threat to his friendship with Curtis. My friendship with Curtis was short lived though.

5th grade (1985 -1986), This is the time with the space shuttle "Columbus" blew up as it flew into space. I can remember an announcement coming over the P.A. system advising of the explosion. The first citizen, a teacher, was killed in the explosion. It was very sad and I could remember a lot of people sobbing over the news. My next door neighbor, Jason Roper, came to school with me this year, along with his sister Kimberly. I was very excited to be with someone I knew, and had a close friendship with. I had considered him my best friend since we grew up together, but I don't think he ever thought of me the same way. Jason Roper would soon make new friends, and the friends he made were the very few I had in class. They all eventually turned against me, would tease and make fun. I found myself hating school, hating my classmates, and hating my neighbor. I lost all touch with him from this point, and became a loner, no friends. My mom held a birthday party for me, with an invitation to the class to attend. None had showed up, but thank god she invited my old classmates from St. Peters, because they all attended, and I had missed them very much.

6th grade (1986-1987), This class year was no better than the last. My teacher was tall lengthy fellow named Dave Hoffman, who's brother played with the football team called the "Green bay Packers." My mom told me to make sure you ask a lot of questions in class, and that will ensure me learning better and getting good grades. So I annoyed my teacher with all the questions I could ask about everything he taught to us. Apparently I asked too many questions. This same year I became an Alter Boy for St. Roses Church. I wasn't very good at it, and they kicked me out after awhile due to my lack of attention. I have to agree though, I wasn't very good. I was bored most of the time, and never really paid attention to the priest. Church to me was too repetitive and never made any sense. I found myself starting to question the Catholic Church, the Christian belief, and religion altogether. In my eyes I just could not see how a physical human being was considered to be God, when they called him the son of God. I didn't understand the whole Holy Trinity that was preached to me. I couldn't understand how a female that was a virgin could have a child, unless she was raped or the child conceived through conception from her husband. It just never made any sense.

7th Grade year (1987 - 1988), This was the year I begged my mom and dad to let me go back to St. Peters to be with my friends. I was unhappy at St. Patricks, I didn't like anyone, and no one really liked me. So mom and dad agreed. I went back to the school I knew people, and was very happy. Of course I had gained some weight during this time. I had reached 170 lbs, and wasn't very tall. A lot of it was due to my in activeness, and my eating habits were poor. This was the same year that FOX network started and several good shows came out. Star Trek, the next generation was mine and dads favorite. Next was Married with Children, and the Tracy Ulman show. Tracy Ulman later led to the start of the Simpson Cartoon that would last a very very long time. My dad had gotten me interested in several shows because he had watched them so much. Even certain movies became my interest because of him. Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, MASH, In Search Of, and some others. This is the same year my dad would start to bring me a small little magazine that he would purchase while he was at work called "FATE". It was a popular magazine at the time that illustrated and talked about mysteries of the world, including ghost stories, UFO, and creatures of mystery. After 7th grade, I would ask my mom and dad again to let me change schools. I no longer wanted to attend private school, but wanted to experience a normal childhood and go to a public school. I felt that being in a private school sheltered me from things going on and the only way to experience the reality of life was to be around normal kids, away from the propaganda of religion. My parents would agree to let me attend public school.

The UFO Experience

2010-05-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

I can't really remember the time element or my age, but I can guess that this incident occurred sometime between me being in preschool and 1st grade, which makes it between 1978 and 1981. My memory of what I am about to discuss is controversial for some, but I do believe it to be true and accurate as much as my childhood memory will allow me to recall.

I was very young at the time, and I am guessing that my parents had a function or other plans. It must have been the weekend, but I'm not sure, because it was rare that they would have anyone watch or babysit me and my elder sister.

My memory is limited, but this is what I recall. Me and my sister were being watched by next door neighbor Saundra and Dean Roper. They obviously had taken us someplace with there children, Kimberly and Jason Roper. Kim was the same age as Michelle, and Jason was the same age as me. I can remember driving in their Yellow 2 door car that they had at the time. I believe we were sitting in the backseat.

Car seats obviously weren't mandatory back then, neither were seat belts. I can remember driving down a long straight road, with very little buildings or structures. This was common back then in the Florin area. The area wasn't developed like it is now, and there were a lot of fields, with ranches, and old homes. Roads were two lane roads with not much around. Florin Road had some buildings, and the Florin Mall was new and popular. The mall has been since torn down in 2000's.

I can remember sitting in the backseat, with the other kids, driving down a two lane road, and not much around, when this large circular object descended from the sky, with different colored lights around the side and the bottom. The object would maintain a short distant above us, but staying behind us for quite a distance. I can remember Dean driving home quickly and us kids getting scared not knowing what it was.

When we arrived at Dean and Saundra's house, which was next to mine, they told us kids to hurry inside so the object would go away. We all ran inside, and Saundra had shut the windows . While Dean and Saundra were shutting all the window, they failed to lock the front door, because me and Jason went outside to the front yard to see if we still see the object. And there hoovering above both houses with this flying saucer, with lights that resembled Christmas lights. Me and Jason stood in his yard with amazement and stared at the object. Saundra quickly came out of the house and grabbed the two of us and brought us inside the house.

This memory has stuck in my head since I was very young. At the time this incident occurred I had no idea and was ignorant to what UFOs were. My father would later share stories to us kids about them, but at this time of my life I had no idea what they were.

Also during my childhood, I can remember sharing the master bedroom with Michelle. I believe this was after my mother had changed the garage into a fourth bedroom. Mom had done this as a surprise for my father during the time he went to Korea for his two weeks in the National Guard. So I was probably in 1st grade or beginning of 2nd grade, because my sister Pamela hadn't been born yet.

While sharing the master bedroom with Michelle, my memories are faint, but can remember some incidents that seem to be dream like, but real at the same time. Me and Michelle shared a bunk bed. Across from the bunk bed was the window to the bedroom, which looked out to our very large backyard. The backyard itself had to be a 1/4 acre, maybe less, but it was bigger than most backyards. Anyway, while sleeping, I would dream of the small person, with a big head, climb through the window, and climb up to the top of the bunk bed to where I was sleeping and wake me. The occurred on many nights, and he would always tell me, "John it's time to go!". I would wake up practically in a trance and follow the little guy out the window and to this egg like ship that as sitting on the ground with 3 legs. The egg like ship would always be parked behind out shed so know one would see its landings. I would climb into the ship and that would be the last I would remember. Whether this is a childhood dream that I remember well, or an actual event, I don't know.

This last time I can remember ever having one of these dreams, which is what made me believe they were all true, was one night same incident happened, but instead of waking up calmly, I felt some grab my arm. I was startled and punched the person grabbing my arm. I could hear that person fall to the ground from the top bunk. I quickly looked over, thinking it was my sister, but what I saw scared me. I saw what ever it was roll under the bunk bed, while my sister was still fast asleep in her bed. Seeing this frightened me so bad that I went to the furthest corner of my bed, covered my head with the blanket, and fell asleep in fright. I don't know how to explain that incident, but made my dream like incidents seem more real to me and believable.

I don't ask that you believe my stories, but I do believe the stories to be true and as accurate I can possibly remember them. This is the last and only time in my life had ever experienced things such as this. Later my father would share UFO stories and things he saw in the military, which would make things seem more realistic and understandable.

Around my Senior year in high school, my friend Jason Roper and I skipped school so I could show him the new house my mom purchased out in a town called Wilton. It was then I shared my UFO story with him and asked if he had any similar memories. I as shocked when he said yes. In fact, his story was exact, with minor exceptions. He remembered a different vehicle his parents were driving at the time, and he didn't remember me at all being in the car, but did remember my sister. He remembered running out of the house to look at the UFO, but didn't remember his mom coming after us, telling us to get inside so it would go away. Its funny how the memory is there, but because it was so long ago, the memory of the event is remembered differently in some ways. This though just confirmed that the incident did in fact happen!

Childhood - Part 1

2010-05-20T03:43:00.000-07:00

I was born in December of 1975, in Sacramento, California. I grew up in an area known as South Sacramento, in a neighborhood called Kara Track. This area was located near Florin Rd and Power Inn Rd. Growing up, South Sacramento was split into too areas, divided by Hwy 99. On the East side of Hwy 99 in South Sacramento were all your Hispanics, Whites, some Blacks, and some Asians. On the west side of Hwy 99 was predominately Blacks and some Hispanics. The significants of this was because of gang activity, which I would not know of or would be ignorant too until I got much older.

The street I grew up on was called Judette Ave. It was a single family house with 3 bedrooms and bathroom. My fathers name was Jose, and my mother's name was Barbara. Me and my eldest sister, Michelle, would share the smallest room together growing up, while my father used the middle size room for his personal interest and both my father and mother would sleep in the master bedroom. My childhood was a simple one, not much happened. We had several dogs growing up, and at times we had cats, but had to get rid of them due to my eldest sisters allergies. We had some birds at times, then some fish, but those pets never lasted long.

My mom worked nights as a Janitor. She owned her own business that she created after cleaning some small buildings and houses for people. It was by accident that she got into this line of work, but it turned out to be a business that would support the house greatly through my childhood. My father worked for the California Department of Motor Vehicles. He started out as an investigator and moved onto other manger positions. He also was in the California National Guard for some time while I was young. I'm not sure what he did, but can remember on occasions him taking me and my sister to some of his meetings. My father did serve active duty for a couple of years before I was born in the United States Airforce. Him and my mom got married, he went to basic training, and then they were stationed at Wright Patterson Airforce Base. My sister, Michelle, was born there.

If your familiar with Wright Patterson AFB, the you will be aware that its famous for being the base that held the crash wreckage of possible UFO or Flying Saucers in a hanger, known as Hanger 18. Just a fun fact I would throw in there. My father would tell me and my sister stories growing up, that he walked passed the the famous Hanger 18 many time because of the job he did, and that the Hanger was heavily guarded. He never went inside, but just like most always had suspicion of what was in there. He would also tell us stories that he had Top Secret clearance because of his job. He told us that his job consisted of operating audio equipment and would attend private meeting between the base commander and several generals. In these meeting they would discuss many things, including the storage and sightings of Unidentified Flying Objects. Whether this true or not, we will never know. But I would like to think that my father was serious when he spoke of these stories. He would also tell us stories that another job he had in the military was that of a weapons expert. He was recruited on many occasions by members of the CIA to go on missions to places unknown. He never spoke of what this missions or jobs were, but he made comments that he regrets the things he did and had to do. He would describe coming back from one mission and being awarded with a medal for his deeds under the General he served. But after it was awarded, he was told to take it off, because the could never make it official due to the secretiveness of the jobs he did. It was obvious that my father had a guilty conscience of something he did in the past, but again we will never know what he actually did.

I can remember attending preschool at Florin Elementary. There I met my long friend and neighbor Floyd White Jr. He was never a smart guy, but of course his family was that of typical white trash, and drugs seemed to dominate through out his life. But I would not learn what drugs where until I got much much older. While in preschool, I developed my dislike for tomatoes. Its a funny stupid reason, but from what I can remember, I was eating lunch and had picked up a grape or cherry tomatoe. As I took a bite into it, the tomatoe had squirted all over me, and thus my dislike for tomatoes began. Never again would I eat a tomatoe.

In 1980, I attended St. Peter's Catholic School. I started Kindergarden here, and met the first girl that I would ever have a crush on. I'm not sure of her last name, but I can remember that she was asian female, and her name was Sandy or Sandra. I can remember playing with her practically daily, I had to sit next to her, I had to eat with her, and one day during recess, I had to kiss her. She was my crush. She was such a distraction to my learning that the teacher had a meeting with my mother and decided it would be in the best interest that they seperated me from her since I wasn't learning anything. My whole focus was on that girl. I look back at my time in Kindergarden, and think how funny it was to be so young and yet feel a crush and still remember it.