I have been a cop for about 12 years, I have seen a lot, and have experienced a lot! When it comes to infidelity, I can honestly say I have seen a lot of that working in the job, and yes even I was stupid enough in my past to have been seduced by the ideas, thoughts, and physical acts of infidelity during my past marriage.
It is my experience that when a new recruit finally passes there academy training and enters into the world of law enforcement, they are like a child. They are new to the concepts, the lifestyle, and the temptations that await you. They enter the world of law enforcement, they receive there field training, and then they are on there own, free to explore, free to experience and see the world for what it really is. The world is an ugly place, and citizens are ignorant to what actually takes place around them. Citizen's only hear and see maybe 10% of what happens in their community, and the media only talks about 1%, (which half the time they get the story wrong and pass inaccurate information to the public.)
The New Cop now is exposed to all the evils in the world right at his feet, and he will be tempted on many occasions to fail, and travel in a path that he shouldn't, but find that they are actually taking that bait laid out for them. One of those temptations is sex. The New Cop finds themselves engulfed with women or men, everywhere, not only on the street where they work, but in the work place as well. They find themselves entering a world where sexual harassment and conversation is abundant from sexually desperate and lonely women to overly sexually hungered men. Teasing begins in a friendly conversation, never meant to cause harm, but nevertheless very arousing for the either party. Thoughts begin to enter the New Cops head, temptation begins to grow, and conversations increase, until one day the New Cop succumbs to the temptation, and fantasy becomes reality. The New Cop forgets that he/she is married to a wonderful person at home, and finds themselves seduced by the evil that is in front of them. They give into the evil of infidelity until eventually they are caught by there spouse.
There spouse wonders what they have done to cause such a horrible event, how could they have pushed away their spouse and make them go astray. But it isn't the spouse at home, its the New Cop's fault, they allowed the evil temptation of infidelity to take place and now their marriage is ruined though cheating, lying, and practically unforgivable acts.
Male Cops find themselves giving into infidelity because of the incredible thoughts of having sex with women who promise sexual acts that aren't offered at home by their wife, and because all Cops crave that adrenaline rush of the job and can't get anywhere else, infidelity offers a temporary adrenaline rush through sneaking around and lying to there spouses, and fulfilling those desired sexual fantasy lusts that they have craved, probably before meeting there spouses, or may have developed after the marriage and entered the job. All are different and have different reasons for caving into the temptation of infidelity. No matter the reason, it is wrong.
Like I told you before, I even fell into the same temptation that a New Cop did. All for the reasons that I had mention up above. I could believe how many women were out there, and all they wanted to do is have sex with you because you wore that uniform and carried that badge. They didn't care if you physically fit, fat, cute, or ugly. They just wanted a Cop because it would complete there fantasy. The women would promise to make thing interesting. Some were married, some were single, some were divorced, some sought out ways to fulfill sexual fantasies, and some just wanted affection and attention that they didn't get at home. I was never caught in my first marriage, but did one day admit to my first wife what I had done. She said she had forgiven me, but I honestly think that the trust had been broken and nothing could ever be forgiven. We didn't end our marriage cause of my acts, and I wised up and stopped after the birth of first child. The damage had been done though, and she eventually cheated on me, brought people home in the middle of the night as I worked the graveyard shift. I would catch these men, sleeping in my bed as I walked through the door. Believe me, I learned my lesson, and now felt what she had when I did it. But that didn't even end the marriage. What ended it, was her cheating with a guy and getting hooked on drugs. The effort was put into the marriage to fix it, but the damage by me in the past was already done and she made her choice as well.
At the end of my marriage with my first wife, I met my current wife. I made a vow a long time ago that I would not make the same mistakes as my first marriage and I haven't. I wouldn't lie, and the temptations in the job are out there, but they are not worth destroying the marriage and relationship you have established. It’s not worth losing your kids, and it’s not worth losing your home. Relationships and Marriages have enough drama in it that causes the relationship to be a roller coaster, why add to it. My current wife and I have struggled in our marriage. There have been times were I thought, "This is the end!" But it wasn't, we worked through the problems, even if it was rough, and have prevailed. I can't imagine making the same mistakes as my first marriage, and feel bad for the families of Cops that are just learning and experiencing this for themselves.
I have preached to the New Cops in my department of my experiences, and tell them of the evil temptations out there. Most ignore my preaching, say they will never cheat, but as I watch them in their career, they fall to the temptations as I did and many other Cops. Some to this day, there spouses still have no clue what there husbands or wives are doing. Cops have a very busy work schedule do doubt, and there is now doubt in my mind that they take advantage of there busy work schedule to fulfill this infidelity lust they have developed. It’s bad enough that Cops have the highest divorce rate in the United States.
If you suspect your husband or wife cheating who work in law enforcement, and have questions, feel free to ask questions for advice. I would never recommend spying on your spouses (which includes checking your spouses cellular phone), because if they really aren't cheating, it could cause potential problems with the marriage or relationship that isn't necessary. Instead try to maintain an open communication, ask about there job, ask about them, ask them about there day. Don't ever stop talking with your spouse, maintain a sense of interest even if you aren't, remind them as much as you can how much they mean to you, and take the time to include them in daily activities. If they don't participate it’s on them, not you! Text them on your cell phone while at work, and ask them how the day is going. I love it when my wife talks to me and shares with me what the kids are doing, even if its bad news.
If your spouse doesn't communicate with you, can't tell you about there day at work, can't show proof of their work schedule, training schedule, or court schedule, or acts secretly all the time, then there is a problem and you should talk with them. My wife can call my dispatch, work, or cell phone at any time to get a hold of me at work, and she at anytime can request to see my schedule, and I would make a copy of my schedule at work and bring it to her. All courts send out subpoena's and your spouse should be able to show you the document that orders him/her to testify in court. If they can not do these things something is wrong.
One more thing, back to the checking your spouse’s cellular phone, reason why I don't recommend that, is because some Cops do use their personal phone for work purposes. Some carry work phones or pagers. It’s not a good idea to jump to conclusions because of the numbers on the phone, and because in today society the cellular phone is considered a private piece of equipment. It’s like having someone looking in your underwear drawer or reading your diary/journal. Instead, of spying in the phone, just answer it for them. If it’s someone from work, they will ask for a Officer so and so, Deputy so and so, or a Mr. so and so. When a person talks to a Cop using their first name it’s more personal and can be a red flag. I never allow anyone to use my first name unless they are family, close friend, or the person at work is close to me. So keep that in mind.
I hope this helps, and please email me if you have questions or concerns.
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